Why doesn't he answer my messages? Why doesn't the man respond to messages? A man does not respond to SMS: what to do? Video

20 years ago, American writers Ellen Fein and Sherry Schneider collected advice on how a woman can get the man of her dreams in their best-selling book. Since then, the feminist movement has been revived and strengthened, and such literature has received the label “sexist.” However, “New Rules” is still being republished and finds many fans and followers. What's the secret?

For years, gurus Ellen Fein and Sherry Schneider have analyzed the behavior of women who were happy in their personal lives—those who had many admirers, who were married well, and who were happy in their marriages. Oprah Winfrey called their best-selling book “Rules for Winning the Heart of the Man of Your Dreams” a phenomenon and twice invited the authors to her talk show. People magazine classified the book as a must-read, and glossy magazines called it the best publication about relationships. The authors assure: over the 20 years of the existence of the “Rules”, millions of women have been able to experience their absolute effectiveness. They received a relationship full of love and respect, which flowed into a happy and strong marriage. In New Rules, writers help modern women and girls communicate through Facebook, Skype, SMS, etc. and at the same time remain mysterious, support the hunter’s instinct in a man when there is so much “easy prey” around him, get married in an era when everyone lives in civil marriages and is in no hurry to take responsibility.

“Men love a challenge and lose interest when the object of this interest - and especially a woman - comes too easy for them.”

“The secret way to get a guy: be a challenge for him. Treat him as if you don't care about him,” urge Ellen Fein and Sherry Schneider. In their opinion, it is necessary to create an atmosphere of mystery and make a man passionately desire to meet you, which is very rare these days. “The Rules is a way of communicating with any man (provided he is the first to start a conversation with you, in person or online) that makes him obsessed with you and ready for a serious relationship.”

How to Marry the Man of Your Dreams, According to Ellen Fein and Sherry Schneider

Be a girl different from the rest and look like a girl different from the rest.

Do not approach a man first and do not start a conversation, do not call or write to a man first.

Do not ask men out on a date via SMS, social networks or any other means.

Wait at least 4 hours before responding to a man's first message, and at least half an hour before responding to each subsequent message.

“We’ll talk/write later”: always finish everything first - and disappear from sight!

Do not respond to SMS or any other messages after midnight.

Don't accept an invitation to a Saturday date later than Wednesday. “Proper girls” lead busy lives. Surely you've already made your weekend plans before Thursday rolls around! If he invites you too late, don't reprimand him. Just say that you are very sorry, but you are busy.

Make yourself "invisible" for instant messaging. Even if nothing is happening in your life, you should not notify the guy about it by instantly responding to his messages. As with any other form of communication, he must wait for the opportunity to talk to you. To be interesting to you, he will have to work hard. Don’t deprive your man of this opportunity by immediately responding to messages and spending hours online! Remember, you have your own life (school, work, friends, hobbies, workouts and, hopefully, dates), and there is only 10 minutes left for chatting and no more. If a guy has a lot to tell you and a lot to ask, he can do it during a date!

Don't spend 24 hours a day, seven days a week with him.

Long-distance relationships: let him offer to communicate more often on Skype and visit you.

Don't text men first, ignore emoticons and winks on online dating sites.

Don't pay for dinner or buy his love in any way.

Don't be self-destructive when dating married men. If he wants to see you, tell him to call you when he becomes single. And after that, no communication, forget him, say “next!” - and focus on finding men who are truly free.

Don't date a man who cancels your dates more than once.

Do not send a man anything that would be unpleasant to leave with him in the event of your separation.

Don't settle for one-night stands or meaningless relationships.

Don't rush to sleep with a man. “The right girl” makes a guy wait to help him fall in love with her, with her soul, with her essence - and not just with her body. The longer you delay intimacy, the longer he will be able to look after you, plan romantic encounters and dream about you. Men love challenges and don't appreciate anything that comes too easily to them, especially sex!

Don't date a man without commitment! If your relationship lasts more than a year and at the same time it is “correct” (you allowed the man to “chase you”, met him no more than 2-3 times a week, refused to spend vacations with him, did not move in with him), then most helped him fall in love with you and want to get married. A man wants to see you more and more. But if after a year of dating a man has not asked to marry him, you should tell him that you are a girl of an old-fashioned upbringing and are not going to date anyone forever. If he starts making excuses, suggest taking a break in the relationship. Ask him to think things through alone and call when he's ready to commit.

Women in relationships are very suspicious and restless. They see problems and warning signs in every little thing. For example, many people panic about the question of why a man does not answer messages and calls. Is it worth worrying so much about this? What are the possible reasons for this?

Phone problems

The first thing that should come to mind when thinking about why a man doesn’t respond to messages is problems with his phone. The mobile phone could simply run out of charge or remain out of sight (audibility) of the owner. After all, gadgets tend to break down, fall, drown, and so on. And of course, you shouldn’t write off attackers who are greedy for other people’s smartphones.

Thus, before stressing yourself out, think about the objective reasons for silence and wait a few hours. This is a common everyday situation that can happen to anyone (including you).

Employment

If you are trying to contact a gentleman during working hours, it is foolish to be surprised and perplexed why the man does not answer messages and calls. A man is a breadwinner, so it’s stupid to blame him for preferring work to communicating with you. In addition, some professions require complete concentration (doctor, accountant, etc.) or even refusal to use the phone while performing job duties (for example, rescuer). Thus, you must respect your date's busy schedule.

If your lover is having a day off, he might just be meeting up with a friend. Agree, it is not very decent to chat on the phone or write SMS during live communication. After all, he just might be in the bathroom. Before you panic, just think about how many times in your life there are times when you feel completely uncomfortable texting or talking on the phone.

Lack of interest

If a man does not respond to messages and calls for a long time, this may be a reason to seriously think about it (especially if you have known each other only recently). It is possible that he is not interested in you. Unfortunately, not all people are tactful and well-mannered enough to politely explain the situation and, without offending, refuse to communicate. Many people simply prefer to ignore persistent ladies.

This disappointing option should never be dismissed. However, you must have self-esteem. Stop calling your man and bombarding him with messages. By doing this, you not only irritate him, but also expose yourself in an unsightly light.

Frivolous attitude

A common reason why a man does not respond to messages is banal frivolity. The fact is that the stronger sex is a much simpler people than women. A man can read a message and forget about it for several hours, without even writing a short reply. Exactly until he is in the mood and wants to communicate with you. Unfortunately, some gentlemen sincerely do not understand the feelings of women who can “hypnotize” their phone for hours, suffering while waiting for an answer.

Resentment

They say that women are often offended over trifles. Nevertheless, in matters of touchiness, representatives of the stronger sex can give a head start to the ladies. Often it is for this reason that men do not respond to messages and calls from their other halves. In this case, all that remains is to wait until your lover moves away from the conflict and calms down. And you will have time to analyze the situation and draw conclusions from it for the future.

Misunderstanding

If you don’t understand why a man doesn’t immediately respond to a message, try to carefully read what was written again. The fact is that in a fit of emotion, a woman can compose something so profound and confusing that a representative of the stronger sex (whose thinking is structured somewhat differently) simply will not understand what exactly you want. Of course, you can ask a clarifying question, but some choose to ignore what they cannot decipher.

If, after re-reading the text of the SMS, you find it too ornate, try duplicating the message, but somewhat shorter and in a simplified form.

Inappropriateness

If you're concerned that your ex isn't responding to messages, consider whether it's appropriate for you to continue communicating. Perhaps the gentleman decided not. And it may not be a matter of resentment or neglect. It is possible that he already has a new lover and he is afraid that correspondence with his ex could become a reason for jealousy and conflict.

How to respond to silence

What should a woman’s reaction be if a man does not immediately respond to messages and calls (or does not respond at all)? You definitely shouldn’t get all worked up, get offended, and accuse your gentleman of all mortal sins. Here are some recommendations you should listen to:

• Analyze your message and call history. How often do you write or call your man? How often does the initiative come from you? It is possible that you are too persistent and even intrusive. Some men find this unpleasant, and some are simply put off by it.
• Think carefully about what to write, reread the message several times before sending. An incoherent or overly emotional flow of words is not the best way to start a correspondence. Even if you are overly excited or angry, try to express your thoughts briefly and clearly. Although if a man ignores incomprehensible messages without trying to clarify their meaning or put you at ease, think about it. Perhaps he doesn't take you seriously.
• Don't rush to conclusions. When your boyfriend does get in touch, you shouldn’t attack him with accusations. Calmly and politely try to find out the reason for his silence, motivating him with excitement. Perhaps there really is an objective explanation for this behavior, which absolves the “defendant” of all blame.
• Call back. A short signal about a message may simply not be heard if the phone is in a pocket, bag or another room. Perhaps, instead of languishing while waiting for an answer, you should just call.
• Try to smooth things over. If the reason for your gentleman's silence is a quarrel, think about whether this situation is your fault. It may be worth putting pride and principles aside, asking for forgiveness for words spoken in the heat of the moment.

Conclusion

Of course, every woman wants love and romance, and therefore, having met her prince, she tries to surround him with care and attention (which in the modern world is expressed, in particular, in calls and SMS). But do not forget that this desire must be mutual. If you constantly initiate communication, if a man often ignores your messages and calls for no apparent reason, this is a reason to think about it. Think about whether he is interested in you. Have the wisdom and pride not to impose yourself on a person who does not want to communicate with you or takes your attention for granted.

Photo stock_colors/ iStock / Getty Images Plus

Letters without an answer - how they can drive you crazy. Endless waiting for when he will finally deign to respond to your message. You have already composed a text of several thousand characters, but he can’t even limit himself to the usual “Darling, I’m very busy. I’ll answer a little later.”

You understand that the SMS was delivered and read a long time ago, and this only intensifies your irritation. Now you are already walking from corner to corner, like a lioness, around the room and inventing things for yourself that are even scary to imagine.

"Stop! Don't rush to conclusions. The reasons for silence can indeed be completely different and not always everything is as bad as it seems. Although, when long answers become a habit and a man begins to treat this as the norm, it later becomes difficult to change anything,” assures Dmitry Soroka.

Psychologist, writer and physiognomist.

6 main reasons why men take a long time to respond to messages.

Busy

“Girls, I understand that when you have a question, you want to immediately get an answer,” says the psychologist. - I understand that sometimes I can’t wait, but in life there is such a thing as being busy. And this is not a coincidence, this is specific employment. For business men, the absolute norm during work is to work, and not chat on the phone with a friend, run to the smoking room every five minutes, poke around on social networks and instant messengers. He is at work. Everything else will be secondary to him. Women who are married to workaholics or business people understand exactly what I'm talking about. And indeed, even after reading your SMS, he will postpone the answer to a more favorable and free time from work.”

Married

But this reason may be less pleasant, but it is very relevant for those who really hide their official position from another woman. This is especially true on weekends and evenings. Well, at work he’ll somehow get out of it, but at home you can’t really sit locked in the toilet or in the bathroom. A vigilant wife perfectly sees the changed character of her husband and frequent solitude with the phone. Therefore, at some point, he will begin to leave his password-protected phone in a visible place at home in order to reassure his wife, and more and more you will observe a temporary pause in your correspondence with him. And, of course, for every pause you will be given an intelligible and convincing answer. Although the intelligibility of his answers sharply turns into the category of visible and stupid excuses, as soon as the woman understands that the man turned out to be married.

Ignore

An elementary and simple reason that contains all the signs of indifference. He's not that interested in you, so you don't really exist in his life's focus. As soon as he feels the urge, he will definitely answer you, and dial it himself, and very quickly make a fuss, but there will be one reason: today you are his victim. And then everything will return to normal again, and indifference will continue.

Photo: Getty Images/Westend61

Playing

Do you know how the swing principle works? First you push them away from you. And then they quickly get closer to you and without your efforts. In the modern world, this principle is used as a tool for manipulating one another. You write an SMS to a man, he deliberately does not answer you for a long time, thereby artificially creating his importance and need. Plus, you still start to get nervous, worry, and in the end you start calling him first. This means that the see-saw effect works. He pushed you away, and you yourself returned to him with great speed. Note: yourself! As a result, the relationship turns into a game where you clearly begin to lose to him on all fronts and become somewhat dependent on his attention to you.

Why doesn't the person respond to the message? What are the real reasons for this behavior? It doesn't matter, just stop waiting. Stop looking at your phone screen. Stop checking every 15 seconds to see if a notification has arrived. Stop equating your worth to how quickly someone replies to your message.

You can't put your life on hold until he pays attention to you. You can't waste another second while he's doing something more important than writing a response to you. You can't let one message make your day or ruin your mood. You can't let him have that kind of power over you. You can't be wondering why your guy isn't responding to your text.

If he did not answer you with lightning speed, if it took him time to do so, do not rush to draw conclusions. Don't think that this is a sign that you are not good enough for him. That he is not interested in communication. That he doesn't want any relationship with you. That he reads your message and rolls his eyes because you mean absolutely nothing to him.

Don't hate yourself for sending him a message. You did as your heart told you. This is your decision, and if not this time, then someday it will be the only right one. Don't reproach yourself or scold yourself for being too intrusive. Don't let your insecurities get the better of you.

You have no idea what's happening on the other end of the line. He may be busy. He may be at an important meeting. He can sleep. He may deliberately play with you, wanting to make you nervous. He may struggle to come up with an answer for you. And yes, he might actually roll his eyes and throw his phone aside because he's not interested in talking to you.

In any case, even if you are dear to him, you cannot demand a lightning-fast answer from him. You are not the center of the universe. Each person has his own life, his own plans, his own affairs and his own priorities. Even if he's crazy about you, you won't be his number one priority every minute, and that's okay.

If you adhere to the strict principle of never texting first and responding to SMS no earlier than a couple of days later, then this is your right. In this case, just erase his number. It’s normal not to want to waste your energy and worries on a man who didn’t consider it necessary to write first.

If he only texts you when he's bored, lonely, or has had too much to drink, don't devalue yourself by replying to his text. If in a normal situation he ignores you, then all you can do is answer him in kind when he suddenly remembers you. You don't ask too much. Replying to an SMS is simple human respect that everyone deserves.

Don't blame yourself if your phone screen remains blank. Don't be upset that your desire to talk was met with cold silence. Be grateful that by showing your interest, you found out his real attitude towards you. Be happy that you understood this and can calmly move on without unnecessary illusions. If a person is not interested in you, it does not mean that you are not good enough, it means that this is not the person for you.

So you've met a man. He has a dazzling smile. He works wonders in bed, likes all the same things you like except for a few that aren't as important, and keeps interactions interesting. In short, it's a match made in heaven, except for one super annoying thing... You texted him and he doesn't text back.

There's nothing more frustrating than meeting someone you've established a connection with and then discovering that they have no intention of ever contacting you again.

When you're single, playing romance games is quite typical. It's all part of courtship, a kind of dance that turns our lives into a romantic comedy or drama. It's fun and exciting, but also exhausting. Once you and your man have achieved some kind of serious status, all this drama should simply evaporate. Unfortunately, life doesn't always work out this way.

Could it be that his phone is broken or inaccessible? Maybe he's in the hospital? Maybe. But more often than not, text messages go unanswered because the person who read the message simply does not respond immediately. A man should not send SMS instantly. After all, he may be driving a car or performing heart surgery.

To get to the bottom of the mystery of why men don't text back, we asked an anonymous group of men to answer the question: Why did a man stop texting a woman? By and large, everything we heard came down to one of the following two reasons.

He doesn't want to see you anymore

If your friend chose to remain silent and you know that he was not passionate about work, it is possible that his partner is trying to break up with you by simply disappearing. He's immature, he's cowardly, and you deserve so much better, but anyway, that's what's happening now.

Here's what some of the men said:

“The relationship is over. I'm just too much of a coward to say it out loud and I want her to do it."

“I avoid women's text messages when I want to.”

“The main reason is probably that he doesn't like you as much as he thought. I know it's cruel, but at least he's not wasting more of your time."

“Men usually don’t ask for a second date if they don’t get sex on the first.”

“It just wasn’t as good for him as it was for you. If he liked you, he would respond."

“There could be many reasons. The reasons why I stop calling or texting a girl are always different. Maybe I just wasn't in love with her and was only interested in sex. The goal has been achieved and I don’t want it anymore.”

“If she texts me once and then a couple more times before I respond, or through some other channel like Facebook, I will definitely put her on hold.”

He's too emotionally immature to talk to you about anything that's on his mind.

These are the moments when he doesn't know how to talk to you and can't or won't learn to approach such important things wisely.

Here's how the respondents responded:

“If I'm attracted to someone else, I might want to be with someone else.”

“When I don’t respond to someone, it’s because I don’t want to talk to them at the moment.”

“The only time I will ignore a text from a woman is when there is something big to talk to her about. I feel like I’m not ready for something serious.”

"He probably just wants to have fun with his friends."